The signs of a controlling man aren't obvious and it’s not like they’re just your run-of-the-mill douche bags. They are systematic, calculated and manipulative.You can be a very confident, tough woman and still fall prey, I know this, because it happened to me.When i first met my ex he was just perfect, my dream come true, my knight in shining amour.So i thought until he released the inner monster in him.
This guy became so controlling. At first, i thought it was love.I would give myself silly excuses just to justify his controlling attitude.There were red flags, tiny ones here and there... but i choose to ignore them, thinking that they were just my imagination.Within six months, i had lost it!the more i tried to alter my behavior to make the relationship work, the more he murdered my confidence.
By December 2012, i had no friends, no confidence, no hobby...i only had wounds, low self-esteem and i was hurting.Whenever i brought up the topic of his controlling behavior, he would say there was nothing to talk about and claim it is all my imagination. He would refuse to discuss it, re-emphasizing that i was the one "making him lose his temper" with the "silly" things i do.December 2012, i had had enough......at some point i just knew i had to leave, i had to put on my shoes and run!
I’m tired of hearing people say that a woman is “stupid” for falling for a controlling guy.I didn't end things with him because i knew he was controlling and emotionally abusive, in fact it only dawned on me that he was, we had broken up.i ended things with him because i knew i was breaking inside and i was losing my sanity.I cared less about who was causing the damage...i just knew i was broken inside as a result of the relationship, so i had to leave.
I will give you 5 signs of a controlling man and some caution flags below:
1. He falls in love too quick...need i say more? This dude was always on spot!just doing the right thing at the right time just the way i liked it.Oh! he paid attention to everything and he listened to me talk with so much care and attention.It was so easy to fall for him, the way he kept saying he was 'falling' for me and he his actions were proving his words right.
In most circumstances, feelings, especially for men, develop over time. These controlling guys invent feelings because they know it’s what they need to display in order to lure you in.
2. Everyone and Everything you love is missing.Two months into our relationship, Mr control freak was just always complaining about everyone.Today Bola is a whore stay away from her, tomorrow Irene is of bad influence you can't visit her.The thing is my friends never liked him and he never liked them too.I remember Bola warned me about him severally but i just couldn't see sense in what she was saying and once he asked me to say off, i just did.Within six months i had no friends anymore!When I told him that I wanted to enroll for dance class, he made it seem like I was going to be dating another man.
In a healthy relationship, each individual should have their hobbies and activities. Being stuck with each other all the time, does not mean you love each other more than other couples who have lives outside of their love. If your friends and your family don’t like him—scrap him. They know and care about you and can clearly sense that there’s something not right about this guy.
3. From loving words to nasty controlling words. Where did 'sweetheart i think your dress is too short, do mind wearing something longer' disappear to? because suddenly i stopped hearing this sentence.It changed to 'go and change that dress that makes you look like a whore now!'. In the beginning i didn't mind changing the small things he asked me to change as I didn't see it as a big deal until finally he was telling me what I could and couldn't do.
Controlling men are smart and aren't going to start making demands right off from the start. Protect yourself by saying no to things that you don’t see a point in changing from the very beginning.
4. He murders your confidence. When a man starts out off the bat showering you with love and praise, it’s easy to feel even more confident than before. Unfortunately, when he starts picking you apart that confidence can sail right out the window and splatter all over the sidewalk.
A good man wants you to feel good about yourself. Any man that puts you down needs to go fast!
5.Painful love. Painful love it was!he never hit me in face but he would violently grab me, shove me, pull my hair and bruise me. One time, we had an argument, he grabbed me and shook me so hard. I cried while he laughed and then he got mad at me for crying.
Any man that physically hurts you on purpose, is a man you should walk away from.The more you tolerate it, the more it will escalate. Do not wait until he start to hit you physically.
Do these signs of a controlling man sound similar to what you’re going through or went through? If you are still that relationship,take a walk now. Have you ever dated a control freak? How did you break free?
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