We live in an age-ist culture when it comes to marriage.Some of us glorify youth as the pinnacle of human experience in nearly every aspect of life except intimate relationships, one thing responsible for this kind of 'glorification' is the mainstream metropolitan message that some cultures bring.YES, for some their culture says, you're too young, and it's best to wait until you reach some measure of maturity later in life before making a commitment as big as marriage.Well in most African families, our culture says something different, in fact there is this huge pressure to get married before 30, else trust our mothers and concerned aunties to start the annoying habit matchmaking you with every man they meet and it could even get to the extent of holding serious night sessions on your behalf too.
Personally, i believe that marriage readiness isn't based on chronological age but true wisdom.Age is not the priority factor that should be considered when it comes to marriage, one's level of maturity and wisdom is what should be number one on the list. If you're in a committed relationship and wondering if you're ready for marriage, consider the following areas:
1. You understand that it's not your partner's job to fulfill you, complete you, rescue you, or make you feel alive.A healthy marriage requires that two healthy, whole people come together to learn and grow their capacity to give and receive love. Marriage is not, as our culture suggests, meant to provide you with the answer to all of your problems. If you're marrying with the hope that marriage will fix your problems, it's best to wait and attend to your problems on your own first.
2. You know what you're looking for in a partner.You can actually define the values and traits that matter to you (in addition to attraction). You can't predict your future, but you have some sense of what you want it to look like and the type of guy you want to be in it.
3.You understand the difference between real love and infatuation.When you're infatuated, you expect to feel in love all of the time. You expect your partner to be flawless and you expect the "in love" feelings to last forever. This isn't reality, and if you're addicted to highs of the infatuation stage you're probably not ready for marriage.
4. You're ready to grieve the end of being single.You're ready let go of first dates, first kisses, the thrill of the chase. You're ready to let go of the every other possibility of partner. You understand what it means to commit to one person for a lifetime. This is difficult at any age, but requires particular attention if you haven't had much experience in the dating realm to begin with. And it's essential that you take time to acknowledge and grieve that you're saying goodbye to a stage of life.
5. When you think of your future, your partner is part of it. It's not even just specific events, like your friend's wedding or a family vacation. You just look ahead and know you want him to be there.
6. You've shared your insecurities and allowed yourself to be vulnerable. You're no longer worried that one day he'll find out that you're not always so breezy and put together. Sometimes you're a total mess. He's seen that, and he's still there.
7. You are aligned in terms of core values.You don't have to enjoy the same hobbies or interests to have a healthy marriage, but you do have to be on the same page regarding religion, having children, money, and spending time with family. You don't even have to share the same religion or have the same money style, but you do need to know how you'll handle future issues on these essential values.
8. You have a healthy way of handling conflict.You and your partner can talk well about difficult subjects. You may fight occasionally (that's normal), but you are generally respectful of each other and can ultimately arrive at a healthy compromise.
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