Why You Have To Put Bitterness Behind You

Bitterness is more than just a nasty taste in the mouth. Studies suggest bitterness about our failures or actions of another, and the feelings of anger and depression that accompanies it, can damage our physical health, especially if we hang on to them over time.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another and we have all made mistakes in life. Bitterness can stem from a wide range of events in one's life. It could come from a failed marriage, being a victim of abuse, being laid off or fired, or parenting a disabled child, your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project, your partner had an affair or you are finding it hard to forgive yourself of some mistakes you made. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance.But if
you don't practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly.

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being, less anxiety, stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, stronger immune system,improved heart health and a higher self-esteem.

Research indicates that negative emotions such as bitterness may disrupt endocrine function and elevate cortisol levels, says Carsten Wrosch, PhD, a Concordia University in Montreal psychology professor. “If such changes become chronic, they may suppress the immune system and increase a person’s vulnerability to disease.”

To avoid these poisonous effects, you basically have two options, says Wrosch. The first is to pursue failed goals more vigorously until reaching a successful outcome: Success will banish those feelings of bitterness, and you will also reap the positive psychological benefit of devoting focused attention to a meaningful goal. Increased effort and attention on meaningful goals have an energizing effect on mood — and an overall positive impact on quality of life.

For failed goals that are no longer attainable, Wrosch says the best path is to disengage from the situation, chalk it up to experience, and move on to new goals. A spouse who blames his or her partner for the dissolution of a marriage may not be able to rebuild the relationship, for example, but it doesn’t mean he or she must hold on to bitterness, says Wrosch. “If it’s not possible to undo the problem, it’s important for people to let go and find something else in their lives that can make them feel purposeful and provide meaning for them,” he says.

If that bitterness is left unresolved, you will begin to see the negative affects not only on your physical health, but your entire life. Therapy is a wonderful tool to help someone overcome feelings of failure and bitterness. It will require hard work and an honest assessment of one's self, but you can conquer those emotions. Beat it before it beats you!